I hate past Memories..

I'm not happy. I felt like i fail to obtain something i desired. The feeling is so empty and defeated. It's like my heart is lacking something. Left me to wonder what is it that i really desired. Maybe I'm used to being pampered. But now it's like I'm left all alone. It's like I'm the so-called ''Independent'' girl. My life is just black and White paint now. It's not rainbow paint anymore. Although I've got a bunch of great friends but it's not enough. I'm greedy and selfish i want more. I want to be love every sec and smile like there's no tomorrow. But I'm still not opening the door to my heart. Why? is it because I'm having high standard. i choose partners with looks and wealth. The firm answer is No. I still can't forget that''someone''. Although i might hate him, i might curse him and i always make him hate me even more by saying sarcastic words to hurt him. Look down on him. I didn't mean it. I did all those is because he hurt me badly and he pretend to love me. And he was fake towards me. He really deserve million tight slaps from me. If he didn't love me, why must he toy with my feelings for 2 years. Have he ever treated me with sincerity once?. This question left me confuse and puzzle completely. Have he ever?. I must be insane to think of him. That sickening guy. He bought me a gift and ask for it back. what a useless guy. Argh! why must it be him. I don't want to be a loser! never! I won't let his Arsehole defeat me! My motto is Victory! I will make myself so strong till i can laugh at this arsehole for leaving me! But every time i want to destroy the pictures full of our memories. I just can't. I still Don't have the strength to do it.. this is so frustrating. And this break up happen about a year ago.