Do you still think of me or m I forgotten.

I have not seen or spoken to him in 1 and a half years, ever since we broke up but I do text him over some "important" matters and we happen to meet each other once over a friend farewell dinner. That's was the only time that i get to see him. As i was with a friend sitting down at the alfresco area waiting for the others to arrive. I was mumbling to myself that he's coming, asking myself the question 'How' a dozen times. Every second of my heartbeat was beating as if there's no tomorrow. The feeling is worst then waiting for my exams results.  Although it was not the most excruciating unbearably intense suffering i ever felt,  But i could still feel my heart and my head struggling with each other and it feels so nerve-racking. 

Not long before i knew, my body was signaling me, as if i had install a sensor in my body. My eyes was fixed to the taxi stand, especially this particular cab. As though my heart is telling me it's that taxi over there! Look!Look!.. A few second later, he went out of the cab. I was too shocked that i kept saying he's here, he's coming. Slowly, slowly he walk towards the restaurant we are at. I got so nervous that i keep asking my friend, 'How do i look?'. She keep assuring me that i look just fine. But i was way too nervous to even pay attention. My mind was going haywire like a broken recorder. Although i know he doesn't feels the same way. I try my hardest to act like Whatever, Not bothering he's here. My friend had to do some introduction for us because we were not looking at each other. I reluctantly said 'Hie' and give a little smile before i look away. It was a moment of awkwardness And how badly i wish i wasn't there.  My mind was screaming like it gone bonkers while still trying to calm myself down. I had to badly pretend that i don't care. But i do care, cause it's him. 

I think of him everyday and everything around me reminds me of him i don't cry anymore cause i have no tears left to fall. I still hope that he still love me but i know it's impossible and it just my wishful thinking. Trying to move on was the hardest thing i could ever imagine. Loving him was the most painful thing i had ever experience.  I am moving on slowly. I  feel like I gave him all of my love and I have no more to give and I don't think I will love anyone else like the way I love him but I know that he doesn't feel the same way and it kills me so much, so much that it feels like I'm slowly being tortured to death, slowly dying. All i can think is does he ever think about me or am i totally forgotten. Its been hard, I still love him.. My heart screaming out to him.. Do you still love me? seating down at the alfresco area, it felt like i had seated there for nearly a decades..

to be continue.